I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
