You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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