sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
