I just threw up on my dentist
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
