i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
