ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
