I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
