i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
