You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
