The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
