Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
