my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
