I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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