You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
