If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
