Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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