he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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