Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
