dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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