Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wish my penis had a tongue
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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