it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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