When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can I color on your dick again?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
