haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
