Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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