Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
