Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Please don't give away my fajitas
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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