i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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