he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
