Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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