Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
