I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
