I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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