the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
