How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
