at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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