i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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