Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You're earring is so big in my mouth
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
