Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
handjob tips. give me some.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
