I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
