I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she smelled like a LAN party
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
