its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
