I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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