my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
