Please, let me fuck your mom
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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