I think i peed on brittanys purse
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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