My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
