The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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