my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
