my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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