College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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