I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
